when the cat goes, I'll be a river

when the cat dies I think, I’ll be ready to go too
to become part of the grass
and trees
or maybe water
water like the creek flow
clear, still, reflecting everything
sky trees air breathing into it.
water can’t be killed
if it overflows its banks it becomes part of the soil
if it’s drunk it becomes part of the animal
if it evaporates it becomes part of the sky
yes, I’d like to be water.

or a tree—but that would require some learning I fear haven’t done.
to be a tree you have to focus, you can’t just be content to stay forever a seed.
no, you have to be willing to let unseen forces move through you
while at the same time staying whole within yourself
for years and years.
I haven’t been good at things like that.
I’ve resisted unsought changes
and the sought ones have been pretty limited,
safe.
a tree can’t want to be safe.
it is vulnerable.
so it’s surprising that so many – millions and millions—grow a hundred feet tall
and sway and turn green
and then die
and then are reborn
year after year after year.

I hope someday to be able to be a tree
to be able to be that brave.